October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, which makes it the right time to shine a light on one of the most difficult—and often overlooked—experiences survivors face: divorce.
Divorce is hard for anyone. But for survivors of domestic violence, it often comes with hidden layers of fear, retraumatization, and control. The legal process that’s meant to bring closure can instead reopen old wounds, especially when abusers use technology, finances, or custody disputes to continue exerting power.
The law offers a framework for fairness, but it’s far from perfect. And when children are involved, those gaps only widen. Survivors navigating custody, safety planning, and digital privacy issues need not just legal guidance and compassionate, informed advocacy.
That’s why understanding your rights and options matters so much. Knowledge can restore a sense of control and empower survivors to make choices that move them toward safety and healing.
And for divorce attorneys, this month is a reminder that how we practice law matters. When we bring a trauma-informed approach to divorce cases—one that centers empathy, patience, and safety—we can help make an incredibly painful process a little more bearable, and sometimes, a lot more just.
Hidden challenges facing survivors of domestic violence in divorce
Leaving an abusive partner does not automatically end the abuse. Unfortunately, abusers can use the legal process and divorce itself to exert control and continue their intimidation tactics.
Abusers can take advantage of the system by filing excessive motions or refusing to comply with court orders.
These actions can leave a survivor experiencing self-doubt, fear, and a desire to “keep the peace” to avoid further pain or distress.
It can feel hard to disclose certain information or be forthcoming with a lawyer when facing the potential harassment, embarrassment, and humiliation of cyber threats or actions.
And if the survivor and abuser have children, navigating custody, visitation, and communication can create ongoing risks and complications. Every custody exchange or required communication can reopen the door to manipulation, harassment, or emotional harm. There is also the ongoing threat of losing custody or turning children against the other parent.
This is the unfortunate reality of navigating divorce as a survivor. But that doesn’t make any of this your fault.
When divorce attorneys unintentionally intimidate clients
As a divorce attorney, your responsibility is to represent your client and ensure they receive as fair of a outcome as possible. Unfortunately, many highly skilled divorce attorneys do not have sufficient training in supporting survivors of domestic violence and cyber abuse.
The dynamics of these cases are complex and not commonly addressed in legal training.
Things survivors’ experiences of coercive control have a direct impact on their decision-making, communication, and overall behavior.
When a divorce attorney doesn’t have a trauma-informed approach, they run the risk of pushing clients too quickly, mistaking their reluctance for deception, and minimizing the risk and danger the survivor feels.
Many survivors have spent months or years being ignored and dismissed. The legal process can unintentionally mirror these dynamics if the attorney doesn’t take proactive steps to mitigate or change the survivor’s experience.
Divorce attorneys are not intentionally trying to harm their clients. But even the best intentions can re-traumatize survivors who feel isolated and unsupported.
Supporting attorneys and survivors of domestic abuse in divorce
As a lawyer who specializes in supporting victims of harassment and assault, I’m here to work with divorce attorneys and support survivors. I partner with divorce attorneys who understand the importance of trauma-informed lawyering and realize when they need additional expertise and insight.
My role is to work with the divorce attorney and survivor to ensure the client feels heard, empowered, and fully informed. This layer of support can lead to better outcomes in the courtroom because the client feels safe enough to fully participate, share information, and understand their rights.
Survivors deserve to have a voice in their divorce. I’m here to help divorce attorneys and survivors both create a space where that voice can be shared, understood, and heard.
Trauma-informed lawyering is all about clear, simple communication, collaboration, and mutual respect. I can help divorce attorneys improve their own trauma-informed approach while ensuring survivors aren’t re-traumatized in the divorce process.
Working together benefits everyone
Divorce can be a terrifying ordeal for survivors of cyber abuse and domestic violence. When advocates and attorneys work together, we can make the process less painful and achieve better outcomes for clients who have survived abuse.
Whether you are a survivor anticipating or currently navigating divorce or an attorney who understands the importance of trauma-informed lawyering, I’m here for you.
Divorce is difficult. But we can help you face it with clarity, respect, and protection. The divorce doesn’t have to be another opportunity for your abuser to control, intimidate, or harm you. Healing and safety can start now and continue after the legal process is complete.
If you or someone you know is navigating a challenging divorce, please reach out to our team.
And if you’re a divorce attorney who would like to learn more about trauma-informed lawyering or receive expert support, please contact us.
