Love should feel safe.
And while February is filled with heart-shaped candy, roses, and messages about romance…
It’s also Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month.
As someone who represents survivors of intimate partner violence, cyber abuse, and image-based harm, I can tell you this:
The most dangerous relationships rarely look dangerous at the beginning.
Valentine’s Day sells us a version of love that is intense, all-consuming, and dramatic.
But in my work, intensity is often the first red flag that a relationship is potentially dangerous.
Together, let’s look at what dating violence looks like, identify the red flags you should look out for, and learn more about how we can protect and support ourselves and the teens in our lives.
What is dating violence?
Most people immediately think of physical violence, but dating violence can take many different forms.
Dating violence can include (but is not limited to):
- Emotional manipulation
- Coercive control
- Sexual pressure or assault
- Monitoring or stalking
- Threats to share intimate images
- Password demands and location tracking
- Harassment through texts, DMs, or fake accounts
- AI-generated sexual images used to intimidate or humiliate
We live in an increasingly digital, online world. That means abuse doesn’t stop when someone leaves the room.
Dating violence can follow a victim on their phone and into the classroom, group chats, and even their home.
I represent survivors who were told “I care about you so much,” at the beginning of a relationship that eventually became demands for nude images, threats to distribute intimate photos, faked AI “nudified” images, constant monitoring, and public humiliation.
Dating violence is often conducted through the use of a technology—a common tool of coercive control.
It’s important to understand the true extent of dating violence. Many teens minimize dangerous behavior, believing that that’s just “how it is” in a relationship.
The bottom line? Love should feel safe. Always.
Dating violence red flags
Many young people (and adults) are taught that jealousy equals passion.
It doesn’t.
There are warning signs I see repeatedly in my cases, many of which victims justify, ignore, or don’t recognize as dangerous.
Dating violence red flags include:
Moving too fast (“I’ve never felt this way before” in week one)
Isolating you from friends or family
Demanding passwords or access to your phone
Tracking your location “for safety”
Explosive anger when you don’t respond immediately
Threatening to share private information or images
Pressuring you for sexual content
Using screenshots or recordings as leverage
If someone loves you, they will not use shame, fear, humiliation, or monitoring to maintain control. These are coercive behaviors, and they are dangerous.
A relationship should feel safe. You don’t owe a romantic partner anything that doesn’t feel comfortable.
What does a healthy teen relationship look like?
Dating can be tumultuous and hard. As a teen, you’re learning how to be a partner while maintaining your own autonomy, perspective, and opinions.
It’s normal to have disagreements within a relationship. Healthy relationships aren’t perfect, but they are safe.
Healthy love means:
- Mutual respect
- Emotional regulation
- Privacy boundaries
- Consent every time
- Accountability
- Independence
- Support for your friendships, goals, and growth
Love should never require you to shrink or hide who you are.
Healthy relationships don’t include surveillance or require silence. And you should never have to “prove” anything in a relationship by taking or sharing intimate images.
Teen relationships deserve the same respect, freedom, and boundaries as any other relationship.
How to talk to your teen about dating violence
As a mother and as an attorney who represents young survivors, there’s one thing I know to be true: Silence creates vulnerability.
It may be uncomfortable, but we have to talk to our teens about the very real issues they may face in today’s digital world.
These conversations should include topics like:
- Digital consent
- Image-based abuse
- AI deepfakes
- Sextortion
- What to do if someone threatens them
Our teens need to feel safe coming to us and telling us what’s happening in their relationships.
If a teen fears punishment more than harm, they will stay quiet. And that silence is where abuse grows.
One of the best ways you can support your teen is by talking openly with them about healthy relationships and sharing about the dangers and warning signs they should be aware of.
Create a safe space for them to share questions, concerns, or fears without shame, judgment, or punishment.
What Valentine’s Day gets wrong about love
Valentine’s Day can create a demand or expectation for grand gestures. For teens, this holiday can create a lot of unnecessary pressure.
Instead of leaning into the commercialized version of Valentine’s Day, what if we used it as an opportunity to reframe how we look at love.
Love doesn’t mean giving up your autonomy, boundaries, or freedom.
Instead, let’s remind our teens that love means safety, autonomy, and dignity.
In a healthy relationship, love means you can always say no.
Teen relationships should be an introduction to healthy partnership instead of an opportunity for possession.
Teaching teens about the realities of dating violence and the truth about what love looks like in a healthy relationship will help us create safer school, campuses, and communities.
Love should always feel safe.
If you or a teen you know is experiencing dating violence, including digital abuse, you have legal options: protection orders, civil claims, school interventions, Title IX protections, and criminal remedies.
The law is evolving in regards to dating violence and digital coercion, but awareness is still our first line of defense.
This February, let’s celebrate relationships that protect privacy, respect boundaries, and honor consent.
Because love should never hurt.
Looking for more support?
Please reach out if you would like to bring a workshop on teen dating violence, digital consent, or technology-facilitated abuse to your school, parent group, or community organization.
These are the conversations that save lives.Click here to learn more about the legal services, training, and support I offer.
